Living with another adult in no way entitles you to control how they spend their free time. It would be ridiculous to think we could tell a room-mate what to do on Sunday morning and yet, when it’s our spouse, the urge definitely does creep in.
Presumably, the two of you have a mutual interest in your home and its upkeep. Presumably, you both want to do an above average job raising the children or pets. And if you are like most people I know, you and your partner probably have different standards concerning these topics. And this is where the bliss of co-habitation can wear a little thin.
Stuff has to get done and who is going to do it? That is the million dollar question.
Thus, the Honey Do list was born.
This is usually a list wherein the more organized of a couple writes down household chores that should have been done three months ago. Or more. But who’s counting?
In many a home, this list may as well be written in invisible ink. And this can be a very sensitive topic. So tread carefully and never assume your Honey had the same convictions you do. Nor can you assume that you are the only one with a list of things you want someone else to do.
If your Honey is not hot to cross off your To Do items consider these 5 ideas: (results will vary)
- idea #1: (this one is really a rule more than an idea) Ask your Honey where they would like you to post the list. Gently reassure them that these are items that can be done at their leisure and you are so thankful for their ability to do these things. Then say something like, “I do not want to nag you or be a nuisance. I’m just wondering where you’ll be most likely to see this list. I think you are the best judge of that.”
After all, if you hang a list in the forest and Honey doesn’t see it…
- idea #2: only include chores that are not (really) time sensitive.
If something has to get done yesterday and you have already asked, begged, or pleaded with no noticeable results then you don’t need a Honey Do list. You need a Come to Jesus Meeting, and I’m staying out of that!
- idea #3: keep the number of chores to under 3
Sure there are about three HUNDRED things you want them to do. But, trust me, you’ll increase your odds of success if you keep it to only 2 or 3 things at once.
- idea #4: don’t leave the list up for more than 2 weeks.
Just quietly take it down and forget about it for a week or more. Re-visit idea #1. Then put it back up on a different piece of paper.
Lay on the praise and compliments. People love to be appreciated. People do not love to be nagged. This recent incarnation (in the photo) worked well for me. It is titled “How to Save the Universe”. I hung it in the Honey Look at This area of the fridge and when I returned to the kitchen later 2 items were checked off and there was a smiley face on it. (!!)
If you can make it seem like unclogging the drain will turn them into a superhero in your eyes, you may be surprised at the results.
Do you have any other tips for us? How do you get your Honey to do without driving them crazy?